i've always known

but never to this extent. i write in shambles and never make complete sentences, sense and always seem to be inept of any other kind of linguistic necessity right when i begin to speak or write. i'll never make sense. my mind goes a million rabbits an hour and my heart beats a million habits a minute. i know exactly what i mean to say and yet, i never say it. i'm too nice. my family and friends have said it for God knows how long, but i'll finally accept it. i'm too nice and i really don't know how to be really mean. i mean, i'm sure i know how and have the capacity to, which one day will be released, but for now...it seems as though i forget that i'm a human begin too. my feelings are just as important as others. as my friends, as my families, as those people in the back of the class who annoy the hell out of me, yet i'm too afraid to ask them to quit because i don't want to hurt them or for them to think negatively about me. to those of you who see this: i'm sorry. SHIT. there i go again.

i never thought liberation would ever feel this restrictive and boring.